You might be an aspiring dictator if...

Goofball presents the top ten signs that you, US presidential candidate Joe Schmo, might be a dictator-in-waiting.

1) You revive imbecilic sentiments that no one remembered they had concerning crusty national mythology to bring yourself to national prominence.
2) Most of your supporters are obsessed with slogans of one or two common words they cultishly insist you embody.
3) You are the subject of a new form of pop-art iconography that might be entitled 'political reality imitates Warhol' if political reality had not been there first.
4) You have mysteriously huge amounts of funding that you insist came in five and ten dollar amounts from armies of contributors unseen or heard-of by any man or woman alive, which probably come from shady sources no one can track down.
5) Taking a page from your third-world brethren in the art of aspiring dictatorship, you boycott an election in a province you have no chance of carrying, then later get your pals in government to invalidate the election, hoping no one notices.
6) Knowing that you cannot offer any solution to a global financial crisis, you say very little about it and let everybody assume that the party in power you oppose is responsible for the trouble.
7) You jump from office to office leaving no perceivable track record of positions or associations and doing as little as possible so as to incriminate yourself as little as possible in the eyes of a public obsessed with a 'lamb of the heartland unspotted' purity.
8) You use exaggerated gestures of deference to 'formidable opponents' and 'humbling endorsements', to convince everybody of how much humility you have, which it is quite obvious from the speed of your rise you do not.
9) You say that uncomfortable issues are 'far above your pay grade' as if there were an infinite technocracy out there to decide them, when in fact this is one issue you have a record on, only one many of your potential voters don't happen to like.
10) You claim to represent groups you don't belong to by birth or upbringing.